


Time Boils the Rain

by yeolakkuma



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst with a Happy Ending, Friends to Lovers, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Self-Destructive Behavior, Suicide Attempt, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2019-03-04 19:43:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 19,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13371789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeolakkuma/pseuds/yeolakkuma
Summary: It’s been two years. Two years and there isn’t a single person in the world like Park Chanyeol.Yifan thinks that his feelings are in control but when Chanyeol suddenly reappears in his life everything gets turned upside down.Will he run out of time to tell Chanyeol how he really feels?





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> finally, after months of working on this project, it is complete. this is the re-written version of 'Time Boils the Rain'. i started this re-write late last year after thinking to myself i'd like to update it to my current style. the original work, which is now removed, was somewhere near 11,000 words. the new version is almost 20,000. i want to take up this little space to thank setty for her constant uplifting praise, as well as kate who encouraged me to keep going.
> 
> to my readers : this work is dear to my heart. it is one of the first works i fell in love with and it is one of the reasons i love Yifan and Chanyeol so much. i hope you enjoy it as much as you did the original.
> 
> [also sorry if the formatting seems weird. cross-posting is always a bitch]
> 
> currently this work is un-beta'd.

 

pov : this chapter is mostly from yifan's pov. it does switch once or twice for story.

* * *

Yifan’s evening started with adjusting the cuffs of his sleeves and then stacking the note cards neatly on the podium. Tonight was a big night. One of the largest conferences for Yifan to attend. Every year the company got together for this, the largest party they could hold in the biggest room in the building.

 

Usually, Yifan attended these yearly conferences as a guest. But this year, his mother asked him to be the main speaker and host. He obliged with an appreciative smile and prepared for months. It would be the first time Yifan would be making a speech in front of the entire company.

 

Two years ago Yifan would never have imagined becoming Vice President underneath his mother. It was a long hard road and there were many struggles but overall, they had persevered through them all. Yifan momentarily thought of his childhood best friend before clearing his throat and gazing into the crowd. He caught a glimpse of his mother and smiled, she returned it warmly and nodded. It wasn't hard to tell that she was proud of how far Yifan had come.

 

"Good evening everyone, as most of you know I'm Wu Yifan. I am Chairwoman Wu's son. I am the next person in line to take over my mother's wonderful legacy. I want to welcome you to the Wu Corporate Yearly Conference. Please be seated."

 

"Last year was one of our most successful years to date. Every single one of our stocks rose and we saw an incredible increase in all of our profits. Our partnerships have all been renewed and we're looking into signing more high profile contracts this year. You have all done really well and I want to take the time to congratulate each and every one of you."

 

The room broke into applause and a few cheers. It was true, the year had been incredibly kind to the Wu's and their company. Yifan was amazed at how quick they had gotten out of the deep holes they had placed themselves in. There was still one more but Yifan knew that he would probably never be able to remove himself from that one.

 

"Tonight we celebrate our very prosperous year. Please, enjoy the music and festivities and again congratulations."

 

Yifan rose his glass high and smiled at his mother who did the same. They toasted silently and Yifan thought about all the things he was thankful for. Friends, family, and a clumsy boy he had to say goodbye to two years ago. Yifan wished Chanyeol could see him now.

 

He took a step down off the stage and embraced his mother into a warm hug, "You did do well Yifan. I'm very proud of how far you have come. I have a surprise for you later."

 

She turned toward a few of their other chair members before Yifan started to make his rounds around the room. He shook hands with lots people and bowed to twice as many. Everyone was incredibly excited and thankful for Yifan's hard work.

  
 

After a while had passed Yifan's mother took his arm and lead him to the back of the ballroom where a tall man was standing. His hair was just passed his ears and curly. It was slightly pushed back on one side and Yifan thought he recognized the big ears attached to the head on this man's broad shoulders. His slacks barely touched his ankles and the black jacket shifted as he adjusted it to his long torso.

 

"Yeolie?"

 

Yifan tilted his head as Chanyeol turned around slowly. An extraordinarily wide smile spread across his face as he tucked a few stray hairs behind his ear. He bowed politely before rising and shyly glancing at Yifan.

 

"It's nice to see you Yifan."

 

Yifan shifted before returning the smile and taking a step toward Chanyeol. He pulled him into a hug before holding his shoulders and giving him a good look over, "Wow. You look exactly the same as when we were kids."

 

"You look so much older and mature though. Congratulations by the way. Your mother has kept me in the loop of things over the time we've been apart."

 

Chanyeol motioned toward an empty table and Yifan followed. He sat down as his mother stood behind him with a hand on his shoulder. She had planned this reunion even though she knew full well that the two were no longer really on speaking terms. For the last two years, they hadn't so much as called each other.

 

"I'm going to mingle with some of the party goers. You two should really catch up."

 

Yifan nodded his head and watched as his mother walked toward the large groups of people gathered around the event room. Yifan sat back in the chair and watched as Chanyeol folded his hands in his lap.

 

"It's been two years."

 

The words pulled at something in Yifan's chest. It had been two very long years for him. The person in front of his was different than the boy Yifan had remembered. They had spent most of their childhood together, but time can change a person. Yifan was also, in some ways, no longer the same.

 

"I know. H-How did my mother find you?"

 

Chanyeol hung his head and sighed and it made Yifan's heart hurt a little more, "Your mom has always known where I was through these past years. While we were - you know - busy, she kept me updated on everything that was happening. We would meet once or twice a month for coffee or lunch."

 

"I was always really busy, but I'm glad that she kept you informed," Yifan scanned the room and waved down a server. He grabbed two glasses of champagne and handed one to Chanyeol.

 

"To your success, Yifan, and childhood friends."

 

"To us and the future."

 

Yifan tipped his glass toward Chanyeol's and toasted silently wishing that his words would become reality. That his future would be with Chanyeol, but that was a long-lost pipe dream. Lost two years ago in a sunset filled with tears and regret.

 

The two sat completely oblivious to the rest of the buzzing world around them. Hours had passed as they talked about the last two years. Yifan listened intently as Chanyeol recalled all of his travels around the country. He rarely interrupted only doing so to hand Chanyeol another glass of champagne.

 

"I'm sorry. I've talked about myself the entire time, didn't I?"

 

Chanyeol took another sip and set his glass down next to Yifan's on the tabled. When Yifan looked up there were five glasses between them. He had only drunk two, but Chanyeol had three. He was a little tipsy and loose-lipped.

 

"It's alright, Chanyeol. You had a lot to say. Everything in my life is a bit more structured and boring. Your life sounds like a lot more fun."

 

Yifan finished his glass and set it down on the table when he felt a warm hand on his knee. The affection went straight to his heart and strangled it. Buzzed Chanyeol meant an overly affectionate and touchy Chanyeol.

 

"I missed you, Yifan. We used to do everything together."

 

Yifan looked down and Chanyeol pulled his hand back looking down at his palm like it was missing something. Yifan had to look away. The thing that was missing was Yifan's hand in his.

"Do you remember what we promised when we graduated from high school?"

 

Chanyeol's words got quieter as he finished the question and Yifan had to bite his lip. Of course, he remembered. The memory flooded his mind as he sat there quietly.

  
 

_"Let's go Yifan!"_

 

_Yifan watched as Chanyeol shouted running toward the water. He was laughing loudly and if not for Yifan following closely he would have tripped over his own two feet._

 

_"Stop!"_

 

_Yifan's feet faltered as Chanyeol pulled him closer to the shore and the water. They stood at the edge of the water as it came up to just their toes. Chanyeol had his fingers wrapped tightly around Yifan's. When he looked up Yifan smiled at Chanyeol warmly. The water had come closer and it made Yifan jump._

 

_"It's cold!"_

 

_Yifan backed up a bit before taking Chanyeol with him. As he moved the back of his leg met a piece of driftwood._

 

_"Yifan, watch out!"_

 

_Yifan watched as Chanyeol tried to brace himself but instead they both fell backward when Yifan tripped over the driftwood and his back met the sand. Chanyeol looked up with wide eyes and Yifan dropped his head into the sand in defeat._

 

_"I didn't see that there."_

 

_Yifan took a deep breath as Chanyeol squirmed to get up. He stood and held out his hand._

 

_"That's okay. Let me help you up."_

 

_Yifan grabbed his hand and tried to get up but he stumbled and fell into Chanyeol. They took a few uneasy steps before stopping right at the shoreline again. Chanyeol tightened his embrace around Yifan's waist and buried his head in his shoulder._

 

_"Promise me you'll always be here for me."_

 

_Yifan listened as Chanyeol sniffled. He was always emotional but something was tugging at Yifan's heart. He set his hand in Chanyeol's curly hair and ruffled it before hugging him back._

 

_"I promise."_

  
 

A warm hand was placed on Yifan's knee again when he snapped back to reality. He shifted in the chair and rubbed his eyes, sighing as he swallowed hard.

 

"Where did you go?"

 

Yifan watched as Chanyeol leaned back in his chair and folded his arms across his chest. He knew when Yifan was lost in his mind. He knew very well.

 

"Nowhere."

 

Yifan stood and felt the ache in his heart return. They had sat together too long and Yifan was feeling sentimental and soft, more like weak. Chanyeol looked up with those same eyes from the beach. Those large, wide puppy like eyes that made Yifan melt.

 

"Are you leaving already?"

 

"I have work tomorrow. It was nice to see you again, Chanyeol."

 

Yifan smiled softly and watched as Chanyeol stood with him reaching for his hand. When Yifan took it there was a small piece of paper that he refused to let go.

 

"This is my number. If you ever want to get coffee or lunch."

 

As Chanyeol's hand lingered too long in Yifan's he felt the warmth that was still in it. He also felt all the emotions that were still in his heart. The ones that he had pushed down and suffocated in his chest for two years.

 

"I'm sorry."

 

It was barely a whisper from Yifan before Chanyeol let the paper go and hung his head, "I know."

 

Chanyeol turned to walk away and Yifan grabbed his arm holding him in place, "I'll call you soon. I promise."

 

Yifan bit his lip holding everything back. He knew Chanyeol's grief and pain were much much worse than his own. Afterall, it was Yifan's decision to cut ties, not Chanyeol's. He shoved his hands in his pockets and Yifan watched at Chanyeol walked out the door of the ballroom.

  
 

* * *

 *******  
 

Chanyeol continued through the lobby and exited the large glass door of the building. He unbuttoned his jacket and walked to the edge of the sidewalk still hanging his head. Tears had flooded his eyes as he stood there completely dazed. He didn't see the taxi pull up beside him. It honked and he rubbed his face opening the door. When he sat down he pulled his phone from his pant pocket. He fumbled through it for a moment before running his thumb across the screen. There was a picture of him and Yifan at the beach, both smiling wide. Chanyeol's head was on Yifan's shoulder and Yifan was leaning in close, cheek to his crown. Chanyeol closed his eyes letting a memory come back as the tears fell harder.

  
 

_"I don't love you like that, Yifan."_

 

_Chanyeol whispered low and took a step back as Yifan shook the rain from his shoulders._

 

_"We're inseparable. You hold my hand all the time. You spend weeks at my house."_

 

_Chanyeol shifted the umbrella in his hand uncomfortably before furrowing his brows, "We're best friends."_

 

_The rain poured harder as Yifan tried to take a step toward Chanyeol. He hesitated before looking down and wringing his hands. Chanyeol knew what was coming, but these words were different than the other times it had been said._

 

_"I love you, Chanyeol."_

 

_Yifan reached out to him and Chanyeol stepped further leaving Yifan in the rain. He couldn't tell the difference between the droplets of rain and the tears running down Yifan's face. His heart ached but Chanyeol didn't want this. He didn't feel this way about Yifan._

 

_"I'm sorry, Yifan."_

 

_Chanyeol turned around and walked away with his heart at his feet leaving Yifan on his knees on the sidewalk._

  
 

That was the last time that Chanyeol met Yifan for a while. When he opened his eyes the cab had pulled up this his apartment. He keyed the gate and walked up the stairs. As he unlocked the door he stared off into nothing. Chanyeol carefully toed out his shoes and put slippers on. He shrugged his jacket off putting it on a hanger in the living room.

 

He hadn't made it very far when he fell limp onto the floor, crying. It was the first night in two years that he had seen his former best friend. Unlike the warm, kind-hearted boy he grew up with Yifan had turned cold and unfamiliar. It was the worst feeling in the world.

 

Chanyeol sat on the floor, his he knees to his chest sobbing into his arms. He had relied on Yifan for everything when he was younger. Yifan had taught Chanyeol how to shoot a basketball and helped him to learn Mandarin. When his dog ran away for the day, Yifan was there to help him look for it. And when it returned home, Yifan was there for the happy reunion. The frigid man that Chanyeol had talked to that night was not the same Yifan he knew.

  
*******

* * *

  
 

"Why in the hell did you invite him, Mother!?"

 

Yifan paced around his mother's office with his hands on his hips. He was infuriated. His mother had overstepped boundaries but he was also furious with himself for wanting Chanyeol to stay so badly.

 

"It has been two years, Yifan. You cannot hold his feelings over his head. You also cannot make people love you. You should know this very well baobei."

 

Yifan watched his mother twist the ring on her left hand and smile faintly. It didn't stop his anger. Yifan paced a few more times before picking up a vase from a stone pedestal and throwing it against the wall.

 

"He left me on my knees in the rain! I was sick for weeks."

 

"Yifan, I know you are angry but listen to me. That boy needs you just as much as you need him. Whether either of you realizes it is up to you and him."

 

Yifan sat down at the table and waved a maid into the room to clean up the mess he made. His mother walked around her desk before standing next to him and putting her hands on his shoulders

 

"I love him still. It hurts when I even look at him or think about him."

 

Yifan started to cry as his mother tried to comfort him. She brushed his shoulders before sitting in the chair next to him and holding his hands.

 

"I know, but you need to control that or you will get sick."

 

Yifan took a deep breath wiping his face. The maid was nearly finished cleaning up the broken vase and flowers before Yifan really looked at what was on the floor.Yifan motioned for her to come close and she handed him one of the flowers.

 

"What is this?"

 

Yifan twisted the perennial in his hand curious at it's odd but beautiful coloring. The maid smiled before dumping the glass in a bin and handing Yifan the rest of the flowers.

 

"They are called Helenium. They are a species of sunflower."

 

Yifan held them all in his hand and felt the ache in his chest. The soft crimson and yellow hues reminded him of a certain boy and a beautiful sunset. A few more tears fell from Yifan's face before he realized he was weeping again.

 

His mother stood and pulled one of the flowers from his hand and ran a thumb across his cheek, "Baobei, _Shíjiān zhǔ yǔ_."

 

"Time boils the rain? What does that mean?"

 

He looked up as she thumbed away another tear and smiled, "Time will quiet your memories. Don't stay up too late. We do have work tomorrow."

 

Yifan stared at the flowers as his mother leaned in and kissed his forehead. She left him in the office alone with his thoughts. He twisted the flowers in his fingers before letting his mind sweep him away to another memory.

 

"Time."

  
 

_"What do you mean we can't be friends anymore, Yifan?"_

 

_This time it was Chanyeol sobbing and yelling at Yifan. He just stood as cold as he could holding everything back. He steeled himself pushing his hands into his pockets and swallowing hard._

 

_"I'm going to be moving into the Vice President position and I can't be seen with someone like you."_

 

_"Is this because I don't return your feelings?"_

 

_Yifan took a step back as Chanyeol reached out to touch him. One touch and Yifan felt like he would shatter. He didn't want to do this but if he wanted to concentrate on his future he would need to cut Chanyeol out. There was too much pain in a one-sided love._

 

_"No, I won't have time to play around all day and be lazy like you do. Some of us have to grow up, Chanyeol."_

 

_Yifan's voice was raised more than he expected. He was heartbroken and irritated, but he had to do this. Chanyeol looked like he was going to crumble and it made Yifan hurt badly. He flinched as Yifan spoke and it was the first time he saw fear in Chanyeol's bright eyes._

 

_"But we've been through everything together. We're best friends Yifan. You don't just leave your best friend."_

 

_This time it was Chanyeol on his knees on the sidewalk. His head was hanging low as Yifan turned around because he was about to burst. The corners of his eyes were threatening to spring with tears as he took a breath and bit back his emotions._

 

_"I have to focus on my future and that doesn't involve you anymore."_

 

_Yifan took a step and walked away from Chanyeol, his tears flowing as he looked into the sunset on the horizon. It was gorgeous with hues of gold, crimson, and purple. It made him hurt more._

  
 

Yifan shifted in the chair and blinked away the tears. It was getting late and he knew he needed to get to bed soon. As he headed up the stairs he played with the flowers in his hand. He would put them in a vase when he got upstairs.

 

When he opened his door he walked toward a shelf and pulled a white vase down. He filled it with water before setting the flowers inside arranging them the best he could. The best place for them was on the nightstand next to his lamp and alarm clock.

 

As he sat back against the headboard Yifan felt the ache in his chest again. He opened the drawer and pulled a frame from the bottom. Droplets hit the glass as he clutched the frame in his hands and thumbed away the water on Chanyeol's face.

 

The picture was one of Yifan's favorites of him and Chanyeol. They were both laughing with 'V' signs and funny faces. Chanyeol's arm was around Yifan's shoulder and his was around Chanyeol's waist. That summer their hair was the same glowing honey color.

 

Yifan settled down enough to set the picture down on the nightstand next to the vase of perennials. He stretched himself out and took a death breath deciding it was time to get ready for bed. He undressed and put night clothes on before checking his alarm clock. As he turned off the lamp he hoped for rest, but sleep never really came.

  
  
 

_"I missed you."_

 

The whisper was loud enough to wake Yifan from his dreams. He gasped for air as he jolted up in bed. He rubbed his eyes and threw his feet over the edge meeting something sharp. A pain ran through his foot and up his leg as he realized he had stepped on glass. The vase and the picture frame were shattered and spread across the floor.

 

Yifan quickly picked up the damp picture and saw that half of it was ruined. He started to sob as he held it tight to his chest. The flowers were also scattered across the floor. He picked one up with only a couple petals left on the stem before thinking to himself that there were more petals than stems.

 

"Excuse me."

 

Yifan called out and the maid in the hall came in. She saw the mess and quickly ran to get things to clean it up. Yifan limped into the bathroom to doctor his wound. It was going to be a rough day at work with little sleep and a deep cut across the bottom of his foot. It would be even rougher with the deep reopening wounds in his heart.

  
  
 

When Yifan got the strength to pull himself out of bed and into the bathroom that the morning he saw that the bandage around his foot needed changing. It was soaked with blood and it reminded him of the wreckage on the floor. There was still a few petals on the ground and it reminded him of the night before.

 

He sighed before finding his suit and getting dressed. The day was going to be rough. He had meetings and paperwork galore. Walking around the office all day running errands would not be pleasant with his foot but he still had obligations.

  
 

"Good morning, Mr. Wu."

 

Everyone Yifan encountered in the office that morning was cheerful and welcoming. He bowed his head several times while repeating 'good morning' and 'how are you' about a dozen times. When he finally sat behind his desk he sighed again. He was doing that a lot, then his phone rang.

 

"Hello?"

 

"Yifan," It was his mother. He saw her just that morning but something must have come up afterward, "I just got a call. You have a lunch appointment today. I'm going to text you with an address to a restaurant. Go there and meet with this client. If it goes well, we'll have another high profile partner. You cannot refuse this meeting. You will put your personal feelings aside."

 

Personal feelings? Yifan furrowed his brow and pursed his lips. He didn't like the tone his mother was taking with him about this new client. As soon as she was done speaking, she hung up the line leaving Yifan with the phone in his hand. He set it back down before he saw his phone light up obviously with the address of the place he was going.

 

"Jongin?"

 

Yifan called out to his assistant and he came in with a pile of folders in his hands pushing his glasses up with his elbow, "Yes, Mr. Wu?"

 

"Will you tell the driver to bring the car out front around eleven? It seems I have a lunch appointment today."

 

"Of course."

  
 

Yifan worked through the morning sipping coffee and answering phone calls. It wasn't a particularly busy morning but the meeting was constantly on his mind. He was worried about who this meeting was going to be with. As far as he knew, there weren't any really big names that were looking into them. Not at this point.

 

And what of personal feelings? Yifan wondered what that had to do with anything. He never got involved personally with many of the people they worked with. It wasn't like there was a huge pool to choose from. Yifan was very much indeed gay, but he was also very much still in love with Chanyeol. Jongin was cute, and Kyungsoo in accounting had a nice ass but no one compared to Chanyeol.

 

Before he knew it the alarm on his phone was going off. It was time to get ready for the meeting. Yifan gathered all the things on his desk and headed down the hall to his mother's office. He knocked lightly on the door before he opened it, stepping inside with a smile.

 

As he walked in his mother motioned to a chair and he sat for a moment while she wrote a few things down on a notepad.

 

"Who is this client?"

 

She shuffled some papers before sighing, "I can't tell you. You will see when you get there. All I can tell you is that we can't lose this client, Yifan. We need this partnership."

 

"Should I go home and change?"

 

Yifan looked at his clothes before looking back at his mother who just shook her head and smiled, "That's up to you. It's a casual meeting so if you'd like to change out of the suit, you can. You can also take the rest of the day off."

 

She took another sip of her coffee and stood, while Yifan just looked at her confused. The rest of the day? Either way, he was going to change out of the suit and into something a bit more business casual. No sense wearing the suit to an informal meeting.

 

The car was already out front when Yifan walked down to the lobby. He decided to go ahead and change. When he got home he quickly changed into a nice pair of jeans and a button-down shirt. He grabbed one of the more casual suit jackets and left it unbuttoned. Looking in the mirror Yifan decided to go ahead and push his hair back some. He changed watches and grabbed his bag before his phone lit up with another alarm to tell him it was nearly time for the meeting.

 

As he walked out he saw the small piece of paper with Chanyeol's number on it. If this meeting was just informal, then he would just be getting drinks and discussing a few terms. Maybe, if he was lucky, he could catch Chanyeol on his lunch break and have a quick bite.

 

The driver was at the door telling Yifan it was time to leave, but Yifan had this weird feeling wash over him. It was nausea. He felt himself way before he clutched the table. He swallowed hard and then backpedaled a bit to the bathroom.

 

"Just a moment, please."

 

He quickly closed the door before he started vomiting into the sink. He couldn't even make it to the toilet. He choked a bit before a small flower came up. It was similar in appearance to the perennials the maid had cleaned up off the floor.

 

"What the hell?"

 

He looked down at the small blood and twisted it between his fingers. It was exactly the same, color and all. Yifan thought about the fact there were so many petals when he cut his foot and sighed. He would probably need to see his physician before understanding what in the world was happening to him.

  
 

The restaurant wasn't far and Yifan informed the driver that he would need to see his doctor. Yifan called Jongin to schedule an appointment for that day and was pleased to find that he had an opening.

 

"Mr. Wu," the hostess bowed to Yifan before leading him into the private areas, "Your client is already seated. Please, this way."

 

Yifan followed closely until they reached a closed off room with a single person in it. He was tall, and slender even when sitting down. This figure was familiar. His brassy hair was completely straight and pushed back on the sides. Before he entered Yifan pulled out his phone and chanced to text Chanyeol.

 

_[New Message from Unknown Number]_

_Hey, it's Yifan. Are you busy for lunch?_

 

Yifan jumped when the man's phone buzzed and he chuckled. He texted Chanyeol's number and the client had picked up his phone. It was the same phone that Chanyeol had for the last few years.

 

_[New Message from Chanyeol]_

_I have a lunch appointment, but I'm sure you already knew that._

 

Yifan watched as Chanyeol stood and brushed his pants off. He turned around to Yifan stunned in the doorway. He smiled and invited Yifan in to join him.

 

"You could have announced yourself instead of texting me."

 

Chanyeol laughed and Yifan almost turned into a puddle. Chanyeol's laugh was infectious and wonderful, and Yifan very much missed hearing it. He set his bag down and pulled out the chair before seating himself across from Chanyeol.

 

"How are you the client?"

 

Chanyeol looked up from his drink and smirked. Yifan hated that smirk. It was that 'you don't know I have a secret; smirk. It was a sexy smirk and Yifan also hated how Chanyeol still had that kind of effect on him.

 

"I'm the CEO of Park Entertainment."

 

"What!?"

 

Yifan gasped and sat wide-eyed staring in disbelief at Chanyeol. He was CEO of his own corporation. Something that he always talked about growing up but never actually put in the work to accomplish. Yifan had worked hard while Chanyeol sloughed all his responsibilities. But it seemed maybe he hadn't. His passion for music and producing paid off.

 

"You always talked a big game about wanting to be a producer and own your own company. You actually did it."

 

"I became CEO last year."

 

Yifan watched as a sweet, and maybe cocky smile spread across Chanyeol's face. His simple was showing and Yifan couldn't resist smiling too. But it also made his heart ache. He missed this smile very much. The kind of smile that Chanyeol showed when he wanted to boast but also be humble if he could do both things at once.

 

"That's so amazing. I- Wow.."

 

Yifan felt a catch in his throat. He cleared it a little before taking a glass of water from Chanyeol. He bowed his head in thanks while taking a small sip.

 

"I'm sorry. I woke up not feeling that well today."

 

"That's fine. This meeting is pretty informal. The reason I went to the conference last night was to meet with your mother. We talked before your speech and she told me she would be setting up this meeting. I'm sorry I didn't tell you last night."

 

Chanyeol shifted nervously in his seat and it didn't go unnoticed. Yifan remembered how cold he had been to Chanyeol even though he was nothing but polite and kind. They shared a few laughs and memories but Yifan still didn't let Chanyeol in like he used to.

 

"I'm sorry if I was cold last night. Our last meeting wasn't .."

 

Yifan trailed off when Chanyeol reached out and touched his hand. It sent electricity through his body. It was still so warm and soft. He gently caressed Yifan's knuckled before smiling.

 

"Time, Yifan."

 

"Boils the rain?"

 

"Your mother says that often to me."

 

Chanyeol pulled his hand back and Yifan immediately missed his touch. He smiled though because Chanyeol is also smiling.

 

"She said that to me recently. She seems to like that phrase"

 

"She does. I've already signed the partnership you know. I really think this meeting was really just a set up by your mom for us to talk. She may have seen us last night."

 

Yifan watched as Chanyeol hung his head and frowned. Of course, she saw them. She sees everything.Yifan felt a bit of remorse for the way he acted. His head automatically fell and so did his heart.

 

"I'm sorry. It's been two years and I'm still sorry."

 

Yifan picked his head up and saw Chanyeol leaning in closer. He had some sort of hopeful gaze on Yifan and he hoped that one day they could be better, do better.

 

"Can we start over? Just a little."

 

"Sure."

 

Yifan laughed and Chanyeol smiled shyly holding his hand out toward Yifan. He took it and they shook hands like they were meeting for the first time.

 

"I'm Chanyeol. It's nice to meet you."

 

"Kris. Pleasure is mine."

 

Yifan couldn't stop from laughing because Chanyeol was laughing and holding his sides. It was a loud laugh and definitely, the one Yifan remembered falling in love with. Chanyeol wiped the corner of his eyes before taking a sip of his drink.

 

"I still can't believe that's the name you chose when you studied abroad."

 

"It's a great name, Chanyeol. Kris Wu. I could have been an actor with a name like that."

 

Chanyeol hid his face and Yifan couldn't help but crack a wild smile. It felt odd, sort of like old times. Yifan smiling and Chanyeol laughing like they did when they were kids.

 

Chanyeol ordered more drinks for the two of them and Yifan thanked him for his generosity. As Yifan went to take a sip he felt a tickled in his throat. The same one he felt before leaving his house.This was bad.

 

"I need to excuse myself for a moment."

 

Yifan stood and only got to the side of the table before Chanyeol had his wrist. He was gazing at Yifan with those puppy eyes again. The same ones that made him weak. It was hard to look him in the eyes.

 

"Please don't be long."

 

"I'll be right back."

 

Yifan walked into the bathroom and locked the door behind him. The coughing fit took him by surprise before he was reaching into the back of his throat. He pulled out garnet and gold petals. Helenium. The flower on the nightstand again. He was vomiting the flower petals and full flowers into the sink. This was something he really did need professional advice for.

 

Yifan wiped his face and took a deep breath. He needed to appear as if he hadn't just puked a garden in the bathroom. He adjusted his jacket and walked back to the room with Chanyeol leaning back in the chair.

 

"Sorry about that."

 

Yifan noticed that Chanyeol had taken his jacket off and ordered more drinks. He looked a bit pink in the cheeks and the tops of his ears were also the same shade. Chanyeol was getting drunk. Yifan made a note that Chanyeol would probably start to be a bit rambunctious.

 

"It's fine but you should really see a doctor if you aren't well."

 

Yifan sat down and Chanyeol pushed a drink across the table, "I ordered more drink. I'm celebrating this partnership. It was a really big deal for me and the company."

 

It wasn't that Yifan didn't want to drink. He had the rest of the day off, but drinking sometimes lead to bad decisions. Bad decisions like wanting to run his hands through Chanyeol's hair that was now falling around his face a bit. Or push him against the wall and kiss his face off.

 

"I'm going to the doctor after our meeting and if you need someone to take you home, I do have a driver."

 

Yifan waved down the server and they ordered some food. He knew that if both of them didn't have something, it could lead to Chanyeol puking his guts up on the side of the road later. He wasn't a lightweight, but he got sick really easily if he didn't eat.

 

Chanyeol crossed his legs and Yifan's throat went dry. His legs were still so incredibly long and slim. It was hard to handle. Chanyeol and Yifan were matched in height but something about Chanyeol's proportions was incredibly attractive to Yifan.

 

Yifan was broken from his gaping when Chanyeol asked a question. He had to shake his head and have Chanyeol repeat it.

 

"Are you doing anything later tonight?"

 

"Just going to the doctor. After that, I'm not sure. I don't have anything planned. Why?"

 

This was interesting. Yifan was a bit curious now. Chanyeol leaned in a bit putting his elbows on the table and smiling shyly.

 

"I want to spend some time with you. We haven't seen each other in two years. I don't want to feel like strangers."

 

"I don't want that either. Okay, let's do something soon."

 

Yifan thought to himself this could be a good thing. Maybe starting over wasn't so bad. It was better than leaving things how they were. But this sickness, whatever was wrong, needed to be tended to. Chanyeol would have to wait.

 

As he watched Chanyeol eat and drink the ache in his chest came back. The love he had for Chanyeol was still there. Seeing him like this, successful and flourishing, didn't do him any good. It made his heart swell with pride but then it felt suffocated and bound by the fact that affection wasn't returned. Chanyeol did not love Yifan in the same way that Yifan loved him. Chanyeol had grown so much since their last meeting but Yifan didn't have the heart to tell him how he felt again.

 

"You're spacing again, aren't you?"

 

Chanyeol snapped in front of his face before Yifan nodded and smiled. He rubbed his eyes and sighed, "Sorry. I was just thinking about how much you've grown."

 

"I got taller."

 

Yifan scoffed while Chanyeol laughed. It was probably true. He did have time to grow a few inches. Yifan leaned back a bit more comfortable than the night before, "Yeah, you did, didn't you?"

  
 

They ate and drank before Yifan noticed the redness to Chanyeol's cheeks, nose, and ears. He was drunk. He started to sway and Yifan decided maybe it was time to go. He buzzed the driver and told him to pull around to the side so they could get Chanyeol out discreetly.

 

"You're drunk. Come on, let's go."

 

Yifan tried to pick Chanyeol up and he stumbled a bit getting in Yifan's space. He was face to face with him and Chanyeol just smiled, licking his lips a bit. Yifan had to look away. His gaze went directly down when he tongue darted out a bit.

 

"You still love me, don't you?"

 

Chanyeol pulled himself up with Yifan's shoulders and draped them around his neck. Yifan had to keep his eyes and face turned. This was incredibly intimate and he was definitely not ready to talk about this. Especially not with a drunk filterless Chanyeol.

 

"Chanyeol, please stop."

 

Yifan turned his head away but Chanyeol just followed it. His eyebrows were pressed together and then he pouted whining when Yifan wouldn't turn toward him.

 

"You do."

 

Yifan turned just a little and Chanyeol pushed his nose into Yifan's. His breath was hot and smelled like liquor but Yifan couldn't turn away. He was drunk on the affection. He wanted this type of closeness. Yifan inhaled deeply and closed his eyes. He tried not to do anything else but stay still.

 

"Please don't."

 

"Why not?"

 

Yifan felt Chanyeol's smirk. It wasn't hard to do considering he usually used his entire body for emotions like a big dog. He pulled Yifan closer and they were nearly flush standing in the room alone.

 

Before he could protest Yifan felt warm, soft lips on his own. He couldn't help the little moan that escaped as his hands found Chanyeol's waist. He had done it now he had given in. Yifan's heartbeat was racing as Chanyeol tugged on his bottom lip with his teeth and ran his tongue across it. Every single press going straight to Yifan's dick and he felt Chanyeol move just that much closer.

 

"Your lips are really soft."

 

Chanyeol pulled back and smirked before nipping a few times making Yifan weak in the knees. This was really, really bad.

 

"Chanyeol."

 

Yifan whispered it into his mouth and frowned. What in the world were they doing? Chanyeol just kept smirking and pulling on the little hairs at the nape of Yifan's neck.

 

"What? I know you wanted it."

 

Yifan's felt the hand on his neck move pulling his hair a bit before lips were on his again. It was hotter and heavier than before and now Chanyeol was licking into his mouth. All Yifan could do was run his hands up and down Chanyeol's back trying to hold in the weak moans and little whines as they made out.

 

"See. I knew you wanted it."

 

Chanyeol whispered into Yifan's ear before he felt his forehead fall on his shoulder. Chanyeol had passed out. Yifan rolled his eyes before picking Chanyeol up and carrying him out to the car. He had the driver take them to Yifan's because he wasn't sure Chanyeol was still living in his same tiny apartment.

 

When they got there Yifan carefully carried Chanyeol into his room and set him on the bed. Chanyeol shifted just a bit as Yifan pulled his shoes off. He spread himself out drooping all over Yifan's pillow. All he could do was look at him fondly. He was like a big ass puppy.

 

"What a mess."

 

Yifan chuckled a bit and shook his head before covering Chanyeol up. He turned a bit before he whimpered and Yifan had to push his hair from his forehead to calm him down.

 

"No don't - don't go."

 

Chanyeol was dreaming and Yifan wasn't sure what about. He wiped his face and turned over while Yifan just raked a hand through his hair. Yifan shook his head before turning off the lamp and leaving Chanyeol to rest.

  
 

Drinking during the day meant a shower was in order. Yifan walked into the bathroom making sure not to disturb Chanyeol as he moved. He turned the hot water on and stripped down. The steam started to build and Yifan felt choked as he stood underneath the water. Another Helenium was coming up. He coughed a few times before the flower finally came out. Yifan dropped it into the tub before another was making its way up.

 

He started to vomit a bit before he finally heaved up the last one. There were now a few in the bottom of the tub and he wasn't sure what his body was doing. He cleaned up before getting out and toweling dry.

 

Yifan peeked into the bedroom to see Chanyeol still passed out cold on the bed. With that in mind, Yifan decided to chance his way into the kitchen from the other door. He quietly walked into the kitchen and whispered to himself about finding something to eat before Chanyeol woke up. Mostly because he was naked and partly because he just threw up everything from earlier.

 

Yifan poured himself some cereal and milk before grabbing a spoon and digging in. This was his home, he thought, he could eat without any clothes on if he so chose. Chanyeol was a hard sleeper when he drank and there was no way he was going to wake up anytime soon after having that many drinks. Even when they were young, one drink and Chanyeol was out for hours.

 

He turned around and leaned on the counter before he heard a noise. When he looked up he didn't know what to do. Chanyeol was standing in front of him, eyes wide and hair messy, face full of drool. His jaw was on the floor and Yifan felt his entire body set aflame.

 

"What are you doing?"

 

Yifan pursed his lips before dropping his bowl in front of himself. It was the only thing he had to defend his honor and cover up his junk. Dignity aside, Yifan really needed to put clothes on before he made a fool of himself.

 

"I'm eating cereal in my own home. Let me go put clothes on."

 

Yifan blushed a bit and grumbled because well he wanted to finish his cereal before it got soggy. Then Chanyeol moved in front of him and pulled the bowl from his hands setting it on the counter. Yifan frowned and tried to hide that he was a bit brooding.

 

"No."

 

"Yeolie, please."

 

"Why are you so embarrassed now? We used to go to the bath together."

 

Chanyeol draped his arms over Yifan's shoulders and he instinctively found Chanyeol's slim hips. They were nearly flush again but this time Yifan had way fewer clothes on. Yifan tried to push Chanyeol away but he tugged back pulling himself closer to Yifan's face.

 

"You're still drunk, Chanyeol. You're going to regret all of this later. You know it."

 

Yifan was really talking to himself. he was going to regret it later. When he realized that he was kissing Chanyeol, and still loving Chanyeol. The pain was drumming in his heart. This wasn't right.

 

"I want to kiss you again."

 

"Why? Stop it, Chanyeol. You're just hurting me. You know that I - that I ... Look, you don't like me in that way so please stop."

 

Yifan's eyes were starting to well up as Chanyeol looked at him like he had just kicked his puppy. Instead, Yifan felt like he kicked his own puppy. His beautiful, big-eyed human puppy named Chanyeol.

 

"I-I'm sorry Yifan."

 

Chanyeol hung his head but didn't let go. He just stayed there holding onto Yifan and that made him feel worse, made him want to cry harder. He sucked it up and tried to hold it in. He didn't want to fall apart like this in front of Chanyeol.

 

"I'm going to get dressed. Drink some water and then lay back down."

 

Yifan pulled a glass down from the cabinet and escaped Chanyeol's arms. He stormed out and slammed the bedroom door behind him in something between anger and sadness. He slid down the door holding onto himself and let himself cry harder. He could fall apart alone.

  
*******

_Chanyeol's knees got weak and he found himself laying on the kitchen floor. He didn't want to move. The entire room was still spinning and tears were falling. Each time they hit the floor they made a quiet noise that sounded like loud plops instead. Chanyeol felt like the biggest asshole in the world._

*******  
 

Yifan stood and moved himself to the bathroom as best he could to put clothes on. He was only able to put pants on before the itch came back with a vengeance. This time was the worst. He started to gag and choke. Before he could turn the water on his hand slipped on the faucet nearly making him fall. Yifan heard the bathroom door and Chanyeol was standing there watching as Yifan wretched. When Yifan started throwing up petals, he moved closer.

 

"Yifan."

 

Chanyeol reached out to touch him but was met with resistance from Yifan. He was still dry heaving when he flung his arm backward.

 

"Get away from me!"

 

Before he could see where his arm was going, Yifan backhanded Chanyeol. He made the realization when a loud 'pop' resonated through the bathroom. He had just hit Chanyeol in the face. Yifan turned to see Chanyeol's tears and his hand hovering over the now red hand mark on his cheek. Yifan held his breath as he reached out for Chanyeol.

 

Carefully, Yifan wiped away the tears gingerly touched where he had slapped Chanyeol. He regretted being so angry. He had never in a million years been violent with anyone especially Chanyeol. His emotions were all over the place but he never wanted to hurt Chanyeol. Not like this.

 

Chanyeol put his hand over Yifan's on his cheek and stayed there. Yifan was starting to heave again though. He held onto one of Chanyeol's shoulder before he hung his head and started throwing up. A flood of Helenium petals flowed from his throat and Chanyeol was stunned.

 

"Yifan, how long have you been doing this?"

 

Chanyeol picked up a tiny flower while Yifan wiped his face and leaned back on the counter. He set the towel down and pulled Chanyeol closer to him.

 

"I don't know."

 

"Are you still going to the doctor?"

 

Yifan watched as Chanyeol wiped his nose and eyes with his sleeve still holding the flower in his fingers, "I am. I'm getting dressed to leave now. You can stay or you can go. It doesn't matter to me just - just please stop with the affection. It's just hurting me and making you look like a fool."

 

Yifan grabbed his shirt as Chanyeol stumbled back looking heartbroken. He had kicked his puppy again. It was excruciating to watch the emotions on Chanyeol's face. He took a deep breath and Yifan could see the tears forming in Chanyeol's eyes.

 

"I just - I wanted to make you happy. I thought that maybe kissing you would make you happy. I'm sorry."

 

Chanyeol started to cry as he looked at the flower almost longingly. Like he was trying to find something in it. Yifan just watched as he sobbed before buttoning his shirt and then cradling Chanyeol's face. He smiled weakly and Yifan hated himself.

 

"Nothing has changed."

 

Yifan wiped away the tears and the same weak smile crept across his face but his words were going to be harsh, and he knew Chanyeol was going to feel it. But Yifan would feel worse.

 

"How? How has nothing changed?"

 

There they were. The puppy eyes again. Yifan felt his own tears begging to be released and he had to hold everything in as he spoke. He choked on his own grief as he whispered almost to himself and then walked away leaving Chanyeol sobbing on the floor in the bathroom.

 

"You still aren't in love with me."

  
  
 

As Yifan left he tried his hardest not to sob. He could hear Chanyeol's nearly wailing in the bathroom. The driver took him to the doctor's office not asking any questions other than if Yifan needed him to stay in the parking lot.

 

Yifan only sat for a few minutes in the waiting room before he was called back. They took his weight, measured his height, and did blood work. After an hour of poking, prodding, and X-rays, he finally got a diagnosis; Hanahaki.

 

"Yifan. this disease with its progression..."

 

Dr. Kim trailed off while Yifan sat in shock. He had heard of this disease but it was rare. He kept denying what he knew was true and trying to pay attention to whatever Dr. Kim was saying.

 

"What - What are you talking about? I haven't loved anyone for a long time."

 

"Yifan, I can't help you. You don't have that kind of time," Dr. Kim shook his head before handing a few papers over to Yifan that explained the affliction.

 

_Hanahaki is a rapid growing, invasive condition in which flowers grow in the body. The flower is almost always unique to each patient. The patient may experience a tingling sensation in the throat and ache in the chest. The patient can experience choking and coughing that expel petals. There are different stages of Hanahaki. Stage One Hanahaki (Referred to as HH from henceforth) is called the Blossom stage. If caught early this stage can be removed from the body before it takes over. Stage Two HH is called the Bloom stage. The patient will experience vomiting and chest pain. The patient may vomit petals or full flowers. If full flowers are being regurgitated, the patient has entered Stage Three HH, Complete Germination. There are only two options for treatment of HH. The patient can choose to have surgery for the removal of the roots. This will remove all of the flowering plants. The consequences to this are that all feelings for the person will be removed as well. The other option is to let nature take its course. If the person does not reciprocate the feelings, you may eventually experience so much ache that you die. You can also reach the point of choking to death. It is highly suggested that you think about each option carefully before choosing a treatment that suits you._

 

Yifan sat quietly reading the paper and shaking his head in disbelief. So, if Chanyeol didn't love him in return he was going to die. The only other alternative was to forget Chanyeol ever existed and removed the plants. That didn't seem fair. Removing the plant seemed selfish even to Yifan. Chanyeol would have to live with the memories while Yifan possibly forgot everything about him.

 

"So, if he doesn't love me, I'll die if I don't have surgery."

 

"Yes. You are dangerously close now. Yifan, please consider this carefully. You do not have the time to wait for someone to possibly return your feelings. It is too much of a risk. You could experience a lot of pain, go into a coma, or worse."

 

Or worse. Die. Die knowing that Chanyeol was left alone, but Chanyeol didn't love him so how else was he going to keep living? If he kept living, he would just die anyway. Without the surgery, there was almost no hope for Yifan. Dr. Kim stood and set a hand on Yifan's shoulder.

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"Yifan, I've seen this only a few times in my long medical career. Hanahaki this advanced rarely is cured by love."

 

Yifan was handed a bottle of pills and a form for consent to surgery. He looked it over with tears in his eyes because the reality was he was going to have to do whatever he could. He didn't want to die but what would living with an expiration date do?

 

"I'll call you with my schedule and a response soon."

 

Yifan stood and put all the papers and medication in his bad. When he got down to the car he took a pill with a sip of water and stared off into space. Yifan let his mind wander to everything that happened in his life. The Confession. The beach. The weekends staying up all night and never sleeping. Chanyeol's mushroom hair. The day they got lost in Seoul. He put his fingers to his lips and brushed them over a few times. He wouldn't remember Chanyeol's kiss or the warmth of his hand. He blinked away tears before he got out of the car and stood at the gate. He couldn't let Chanyeol see him like this.

  
 

"You stayed."

 

Yifan swallowed harshly and smiled as softly as he could. Chanyeol had cleaned himself up a bit and was sitting on the couch. His hair was still a bit messy but he wasn't crying anymore. His eyes were puffy but the outline of Yifan's hand was still pretty clear on his cheek.

 

"I didn't want to leave you angry."

 

Chanyeol stood up from the couch and walked toward Yifan. He set his bag on the counter and started to walk toward the bedroom, "I'm a bit tired so I'm going to go lay down for a bit. Make yourself comfortable and watch some TV if you want."

 

Yifan was surprised when he was stopped by Chanyeol grabbing his arm and pulling him into a hug. He buried his face in it and Yifan felt his fingertips digging into his skin.

 

"Can I - Can I lay with you please. Like we used to when we were kids. Please don't leave me alone right now."

 

Yifan's heart tugged in all directions when Chanyeol looked up with tears in his eyes and a frown on his face. Yifan couldn't stand it. He knew what was going to happen and this was his last chance to feel Chanyeol next to him. Yifan melted.

 

"Sure. Just this once."

 

Yifan intertwined his fingers with Chanyeol's and pulled him into the bedroom. They undress a bit before pulling the covers back and settling in facing each other. Chanyeol's eyes were closed and Yifan was trying his best not to just smother him in affection.

 

"Are you going to be okay?"

 

Yifan watched as his eyebrows furrowed and an unhappy feeling settled on his face. Chanyeol was worried about him and that made Yifan feel all the more worse about his decision. He pulled the blanket up over Chanyeol's shoulders and tucked it under his chin.

 

"Of course, Chanyeol."

 

Yifan grit his teeth as he lied through them. He wasn't going to be fine. Well, he was to an extent. He wouldn't remember being not fine. He wouldn't remember this pain, but he also wouldn't remember the face in front of him.

 

"I'm glad."

 

Chanyeol sighed and smiled to himself but also to Yifan. It was the worst thing in the world to lay there knowing what he knew. Yifan wanted to change their entire lives. He wanted to cross timelines and universes and fix everything. But this wasn't a movie and Yifan knew that he couldn't do anything to make Chanyeol love him.

 

Yifan stared at Chanyeol for the longest time. Watching his eyes move as he slept. He carefully moved out of the bed to the living room. He pulled the consent to surgery form out of his bag and quietly walked to his office. He signed it and faxed it to Dr. Kim knowing what it meant.

 

When he returned Chanyeol was still curled up sleeping peacefully. Yifan laid back down pushing the pillows up and wrapping his arm around Chanyeol's waist. It would be the last time he would see his face knowing who he was and what he was to Yifan. He brushed Chanyeol's curly hair from his forehead and gently pressed a kiss to it. He tucked a few stray hairs behind Chanyeol's ear and smiled.

 

"I love you, Yeolie. I'm so sorry."

 

A tear fell down Yifan's cheek as he stared longer at Chanyeol's face. He wished he never had to forget this face, these memories. But he wanted to live and Chanyeol didn't love him. Surgery was the only way to fix everything but surgery wouldn't be the reason he wouldn't gaze at him again.

  
 

* * *

 *******  
 

Chanyeol stirred from his slumber after what seemed like hours. He was hungry and wanted to talk to Yifan more. They had fallen asleep together and it was one of the happiest moment because they hadn't been this close in years. Chanyeol turned over and saw Yifan was facing the other way. He tapped Yifan's shoulder lightly pushing gently.

 

"Yifan."

 

He didn't move and Chanyeol felt panicked. Yifan always woke up easily. Where he was a heavy sleeper, Yifan was a light one. He pushed again and then looked around the room. How had he not noticed all the flower petals all over the bed and the floor? There seemed to be thousands.

 

"Yifan, wake up."

 

Chanyeol pushed a bit more before getting closer. He saw Yifan's shallow breathing and went mad. He turned him over and shook him before yelling.

 

"Yifan! Please, wake up!"

 

Chanyeol pushed Yifan violently but he still didn't stir. He got on top of him and started to perform CPR as he dialed 119.

 

"He won't wake up. I don't know what's wrong. He just won't wake up."

 

Chanyeol was hysterical and screaming as the paramedics arrived. They asked if he wanted to ride to the hospital and he jumped in after Yifan. It was the longest ride of his life holding onto Yifan's hand as the breathing apparatus kept Yifan's breathing steady. There were so many scary things and Chanyeol was afraid. Afraid that Yifan was dying. Afraid that Yifan had lied.

 

He met Yifan's mother in the waiting room. She pulled him into a tight hug and he broke down. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know what was wrong with Yifan or why he wouldn't wake up. How could he save Yifan if he didn't know what was wrong with him?

 

They sat for what felt like hours. Ms. Wu cradled Chanyeol in her shoulder while he wept and kept whispering about how he didn't know what to do or what he would do if Yifan was really gone.

 

Dr. Kim came into the room and sat beside them pulling Chanyeol's attention for a moment, "Chairwoman and you must be Mr. Park?"

 

"What's going on? Why won't he wake up?"

 

Chanyeol was sobbing again as Ms. Wu pulled his hand into her lap stroking his knuckles to calm him down. But Chanyeol couldn't calm down when the most important person in his life could literally be on his deathbed. Dr. Kim only sat silent for a moment before he looked up and Chanyeol was sure he was going to break into a million little pieces.

 

"I'm so very sorry. I'm not sure what you want to do. Yifan has gone into a coma."


	2. Two

pov : this chapter is from chanyeol's pov

chapter specific tag : depiction of minor blood, injury

* * *

 

 

_"Mr. Park, It's important not to do anything rash."_

 

The words were simply on repeat in Chanyeol's head from the moment he left the hospital and ended up back at Yifan's place that day. He felt completely numb. What do you do when your best friend is in a coma? Well, the person who was your best friend. Chanyeol sat down at the table and stared into space. So, this was how starting over was going to go.

 

Chanyeol pulled a bottle of beer from the refrigerator and sat back down at the table. He could barely feel the liquid going down his throat but he was parched. He also realized that his stomach was empty, but so was his mind. Chanyeol thought it would be buzzing with things and feelings, but really it was just as empty as Yifan’s apartment.

 

Between dozing off and more bottles of beer, Chanyeol spent half the day in the same chair staring out the balcony doors. It was only when his phone buzzed that he realized just what time it was. Late afternoon was slowly creeping up.

 

“Hello?”

 

_“Mr. Park. It’s Dr. Kim. I’d like for you to come to the hospital again. There isn’t an emergency but I’d like to talk with you about Yifan’s condition, alone.”_

 

“I’ve been drinking.”

 

_“That’s alright. Take a moment to sober up then take the bus. I’ll be here for a while.”_

 

Chanyeol looked down at the bottles and realized maybe he drank a little too much. He left them on the table and drank some water downing a couple painkillers for his headache. There was a crease in his shirt and his hair was a mess. Going out meant getting presentable.

 

So, Chanyeol brushed his teeth and stared at Yifan’s closet. There were times when Chanyeol wore Yifan’s clothes when they would spend summer nights together, but Yifan wasn't in pain or in a coma. Chanyeol slipped a gray t-shirt and a pair of too large black denim jeans on. He gathered the shirt in his hands and inhaled deeply. It smelled faintly of Yifan’s expensive cologne and laundry detergent. Chanyeol tried not to let himself cry. He was only a little shaky when he left.

 

Waiting for the bus meant the thoughts returned. Thoughts of what would happen to Yifan if he didn’t come out of his coma, and what Chanyeol would do if that happened. He felt pain in his chest and the bus pulled up to the stop and opened its doors. The ride felt longer than it really was and time slowed as Chanyeol stared out the window at the dark skies.

 

When Chanyeol arrived at the hospital, Dr. Kim met him in the lobby with a visitor's pass and a cup of coffee. They walked together to the elevator and Chanyeol stayed silent taking in the smell of the drink with Yifan’s lingering scent. It nearly sent him into a fit of sobs.

 

The beeping of a heart monitor and quiet sounds of the breathing apparatus were the only noises in the room for a while. Dr. Kim let Chanyeol settle down in a chair next to Yifan’s side before picking up the chart and thumbing through a few pages.

 

“I’d like to discuss what we can do to help Yifan.”

 

“Is there anything I can really do to help him?”

 

Chanyeol hugged his body tight. The coffee long since gone and his mind still dancing across memories and thoughts of life without Yifan. Dr. Kim was still looking over the chart when Chanyeol ran his hands over his face and sighed.

 

“Mr. Park, Chanyeol, you are aware of Yifan’s feelings for you, correct?”

 

A long pause filled the room as Chanyeol looked between Dr. Kim and Yifan. He wasn’t aware that Yifan’s feelings were still this strong. They had spent two years apart from each other. It was agonizing pain for Chanyeol to lose his best friend. There shouldn’t have been anymore feelings.

 

“I- Yes, I guess so.”

 

Chanyeol then looked at Yifan’s barely moving body. Tears fell as Chanyeol started to reach for Yifan’s hand. It was still warm to the touch but there was a lingering coolness to them from the hospital room. Chanyeol brushed his fingertips across Yifan’s palm and ran circles on his knuckles with his thumb.

 

“Then you know that this disease, Hanahaki, is only curable one of two ways. You either have to return his affections or he must undergo a surgical procedure.”

 

Dr. Kim placed the chart in his lap and set a box of tissues on the bed. Chanyeol grabbed one and wiped his face before turning to face the doctor. He was looking at Chanyeol sympathetically. There was another pause before Dr. Kim continued to speak.

 

“Chanyeol, this surgery - It removes the flowering plant inside of him. It takes away the feelings he has for you and there is a risk that he will also lose any memories of you.”

 

The words struck Chanyeol’s heart hard and his tears hit Yifan’s knuckles. Chanyeol pulled another tissue from the box and wiped them away before sniffling, “I can’t be without him. I really don’t know how I feel, but I can’t lose him or our memories.”

 

Chanyeol kept his eyes between his hand and Yifan’s peaceful face. They shared a lot of things together. Memories and secrets that only they had, no one else. Chanyeol couldn’t believe he was faced with this. He knew one thing was sure, he would do anything to save Yifan.

 

“Chanyeol, you have to understand something. Yifan doesn’t have that kind of time. His body is already very weak. If he stays in this coma much longer he may not come out of it.”

 

There it was. The solidifying words that Chanyeol feared he would hear. Yifan had a strong possibility of never waking up. Chanyeol sobbed harder leaning over and placing his head on the bed. His muffled words and cried echoing in the small hospital room.

 

“Why do I have to love him for him to wake up? Can’t he just wake up?”

 

“It’s just the nature of the disease. We have scheduled Yifan’s surgery for seven days from now. You have seven days, Chanyeol. If you find any feelings at all in your heart, please, come talk to me. If by the seventh day you haven’t come back, I will be performing the surgery. I already have a signed form of consent.”

 

With the chart open, Chanyeol could see the forms large print. Dr. Kim handed him the chart and he just stared blankly at it. At some point, Yifan had faxed the completed form when they were together. It was true. In seven days Yifan had consented to undergo whatever procedure Dr. Kim thought necessary. Mindlessly, Chanyeol continued to rub little circles into Yifan’s hand as he read the rest of the paper.

 

One week. Chanyeol had a single week, seven days to find any feeling deep down in his heart or risk losing Yifan forever. But it wasn’t just the thought of losing Yifan, it was the thought of him losing all their precious memories. Chanyeol whispered placing his forehead on the chart, “I’ll do anything.”

 

“Then you need to figure out exactly how you feel. You know the risks here, Chanyeol. Everything you’ve ever shared with Yifan could disappear from his memory. You alone would keep them only to be reminded every single day that you are the only one who remembers.”

 

The thought alone left Chanyeol nearly hysterical. Yifan would no longer remember who he was or the fact they were like best friends. The whole two years separation weighed heavy on Chanyeol’s heart. He went through so many things only to never be able to share them with Yifan. The thought of never sharing things or memories again felt maddening.

 

“I’m so sorry - Yifan, I’m so sorry.”

 

The small whimpers were the only thing to fill the room besides Chanyeol’s cries. He kept repeating it to himself as he held Yifan’s hand tightly. There was nothing else Chanyeol could think to say. He was nearly on auto-pilot numb and weak. A nurse came in not long after telling Chanyeol that visitation was over and he needed to go home to rest.

 

After several hours of sitting in the same spot, Chanyeol was stiff and dizzy. The bus ride home was much like the one to the hospital, quiet and somber. By the time he returned to Yifan’s apartment it was after nightfall. The sun had set but Chanyeol was not the least bit tired.

 

He sat down at the dining room table with Yifan’s calendar marking the day as ‘Day 0’. He put it down and grabbed a bottle of liquor from the cabinet. There was nothing else for him to do but lose himself and time in a bottle.

  
 

_Day 1_

The afternoon sun shone into Yifan's windows waking Chanyeol from his drunken slumber. He rolled out of the chair and onto the floor hitting his knees on the way down. When he picked up the bottle still in his hand it was empty. He didn't realize until he held it to his lip and found nothing. Chanyeol felt it's emptiness inside of him when he gripped it tight and threw it across the apartment. His legs shook underneath him as the anger and sadness boiled in him. The only sounds to escaped were broken cries and screams into the empty room.

 

Chanyeol wiped the tears from his face and looked at the mess he made in Yifan's kitchen. He wanted to break down when he realized that in his anger he broke one of Yifan's expensive vases. The shattered pieces were lying on the floor with the mess of green shards on the blue tile. Mania took over as Chanyeol frantically ran into the kitchen cursing to himself about how mad Yifan would be. Ignoring the obvious, Chanyeol cut his hands, feet, and legs on the broken pieces covering the floor.

 

The bloody mess of the kitchen must have been a sight to see when Ms. Wu came unannounced. Chanyeol had pulled his knees to his chest, sobbing loudly. He couldn't move from where he was sitting in a sea of sharp porcelain and broken glass. He felt like each and every jagged piece on the floor shattered and unable to be put back together.

 

"Chanyeol!"

 

Ms. Wu came from the side of the counter around to help Chanyeol from the floor. It must have been gruesome and disgusting, but most of all saddening to see Chanyeol's inebriated unhinged state. Between tears and blood, his face was a mess and he couldn't find any intelligible words besides 'I don't know what to do' between cries.

 

She helped Chanyeol into the bathroom and cleaned his wounds as best she could. His entire body was covered with little cuts and shards of jagged glass. As she wiped up the mess, Chanyeol realized the towel she was using was completely red. He began to sob again with how pristine Yifan always kept his things and how disappointed he would be.

 

"Shh, baobei, just be still."

 

Chanyeol gasped for breath between cries and his words. He couldn't find anything else to say but a quiet 'I'm sorry' and 'Please, help me'. She brushed the hair from his face and kissed his forehead before helping him into fresh clean clothes. They smelled like Yifan and Chanyeol found a bit of comfort in them.

 

As they walked back into the living area, Chanyeol noticed several bags of groceries and containers. She had come over to bring him food and other necessities. She set some of the food out on the table and began to reheat other things for Chanyeol to eat, although he barely had any appetite at all.

 

The one thing Chanyeol did do was open the bottle of liquor she brought. She wasn't a fool and she wasn't going to tell him how to grieve. Many years of knowing Chanyeol, she never pushed him or told him how to live his life.

 

"Please, at least eat a little bit. You need to put something in your stomach."

 

"O-okay."

 

Chanyeol took small sips of soup and ate as much as he could without vomiting. Everything tasted like dirt and nothing filled him like he wanted. He drank water while eating as Ms. Wu sat beside him encouraging him to have just a bit more. They sat in a comfortable silence before Chanyeol looked up with tears in his eyes.

 

"Do you - Do you know what love feels like?"

 

"I do. It can be terribly burdensome, but it can also be blissful and freeing."

 

Chanyeol noticed she twisted the ring on her left finger before smiling fondly, "It's like summer rain and fireworks, but it can also be hurricanes and lightning strikes. Love is a magnificent thing, Chanyeol."

 

"Do you think I am in love with Yifan?"

 

"Baeobei, you have been in love and loved Yifan for as long as he has loved you. You have just never realized it."

 

Her soft hand was similar to Yifan's but much more feminine and motherly. It was just as warm and comforting, though. She held onto Chanyeol's hand rubbing circles into his knuckles before he wiped away a few tears.

 

"What do you mean by that?"

 

"Take tonight and think about all the time you've spent with Yifan over the years you've known each other. Think about each moment in your mind and search for the love in between. I bet, if you think hard enough, you'll find that you were always in love with him."

 

Chanyeol watched as she stood and grabbed her bags. He contemplated the words for a moment before kissing her goodbye and walking her to the door. Search for love. Chanyeol had never given much thought to Yifan's feelings or even his own. But after her words, Chanyeol started to really ponder what exactly he felt inside of his heart.

 

As he sat back down in the chair, he poured himself a glass of liquor and really thought about some of his fondest memories with Yifan. The most prominent was the day on the beach. They held hands, fought in the sad, and had the same hair color. Chanyeol's eyes began to well up just thinking about their promise and how Yifan was now in a hospital bed.

 

Chanyeol remembered the moment Yifan fell over the driftwood and how he was worried Yifan would hurt himself. He felt a warmth spread through his chest and he thought about Yifan's arms around him protecting him from falling into the sand and water. He chuckled through tears at their sheer clumsiness.

 

The warm feeling spread more as Chanyeol put his hand on his chest feeling how his heart fluttered and beat faster. He remembered how Yifan's body pressed against his and held him tight as they stood together on the shore. His face became red and his ears tingled as he wrapped his arms around himself trying to remember the way Yifan felt, how he smelled, how he should have tasted that day. He remembered the fact his arms were just as long as Chanyeol's and wrapped completely around him tight.

 

That summer Chanyeol had curly hair and he remembered how Yifan ran his hand through it. He reached up into his hair and felt its straight length wondering how long it would take before it curled again. Would Yifan be awake? Would he remember salty beaches and puppy dog eyes?

 

Chanyeol started to cry harder filling the apartment with his sobs and screams. He crashed back to the reality that Yifan was in a coma. He wasn't going to be able to remember those things if Chanyeol didn't figure out what his feelings were. He wasn't going to remember anything about Chanyeol if he had the surgery.

 

After what seemed like hours of crying and drinking, Chanyeol passed out on the table again from exhaustion and anguish. A life without Yifan, to Chanyeol, wasn't a life worth living.

 

_Day 2_

Chanyeol woke exactly how he fell asleep the night before; at the table with a bottle in his hand. The mess in the kitchen had been cleaned up and there was no longer blood on the floor. The vase had been replaced with a replica almost identical to the one before. A small note attached to a bag sat beside him as he lifted his head and blinked.

  
_This is for you. I'm sure Yifan would want you to have it right now. There is food in the fridge for the next few days. Call me if you need anything._

  
As he opened the bag, Chanyeol remembered how Yifan's mom always took care of them, even when they were naughty and bruised. What he found inside was a single, large conch shell that was the size of his hand. He turned it over a few times remembering they had picked up it on the beach.  
  
Closing his eyes, Chanyeol let the soft whisper of white noise fill his ears. The pretend waves crashing and retreating on the shores of his memories. Tears began to stream down his face as he remembered how Yifan said the shell reminded him of their hair, and it must have been fate for them to find it. Yifan's mom kept it along with a photo of them at the beach. She said it was her favorite picture of them.

 

  
Chanyeol pulled the shell away from his ear and set it on the table. He stared at it for a moment before deciding to pull himself together for the day by showering. He stood in the bathroom mirror for what seemed like hours before turning on the hot water and letting his scald his skin. After drying off, he found himself wandering into Yifan's closet for something comfortable. He found sweats and a t-shirt before stubbing his toe on a box tucked away.  
  
The small shoe box had seen better days but Chanyeol was curious about its contents. He tucked his legs underneath him, setting the box on his lap before opening it. A wave of sadness washed over him as he looked at all the things inside.  
  
Pictures, keepsakes, knickknacks, and a letter addressed to Chanyeol were all staring at Chanyeol in the face. He pushed aside the pictures and pulled the letter out carefully opening it and holding back his tears.  
 

  
_Dear Yeolie,_

  
_If you are reading this then you are nosey, I am in the hospital, or I have passed. I'm sorry if I have left you behind, Chanyeol. I'm sorry for everything. I have loved you so much and been selfish. Every single day we were together was a blessing. That day on the beach with our hands linked, we made a promise to always be there for each other and to be together. I meant it, but I broke that promise to you. I loved you then, as I love you now. I'm sorry I let my pride turn me bitter. I ended our friendship two years ago, or maybe more time has passed. I should have treasured you more, my baobei. Please don't stay sad and cry for too long. We both know that you were always the happiest one, my happy virus. You made me smile even when I didn't want to. You were there for me too, as much as I was there for you. This box is full of my memories, cherish them because I might not be able to. There are so many things I wish I could say but they would all be too late. I would never have enough time. Yeolie, take care of my mom and yourself. I love you._  
 

  
_Forever yours,  
Yifan_

  
 

Chanyeol became hysterical, clutching the letting to his chest and sobbing. His cries became furious gasps for breath as he was nearly frenzied. He laid into the bed curling in on himself on top of the pillows. In agony, he kicked and screamed until his chest was tight and his voice was hoarse.  
  
Slowly, he slid off the bed and stumbled into the kitchen for more liquor. He flung the medicine cabinet open looking for anything he could use to swallow his sorrows. He found something that looked like a pill to swallow and opened it, throwing back what he could. He wanted to feel numb and didn't care how he did it. Chanyeol took a long swig from the bottle before wiping his face with the back of his hand.  
  
The last thought that formed in Chanyeol's head was that if Yifan died, at least he would never remember him.

 

_Day 3_

The feeling of acid and bile burning in his throat was what woke Chanyeol. He threw his feet over the edge of the bed running into the bathroom. He only barely made it over the side of the tub when he began to vomit and wretch. Quickly, he turned the water on letting the cool feeling wash over his face and head. He was burning up, feverish and weak, much like he had been the rest of the three days since Yifan went to the hospital.  
  
The cold water soothed his skin somewhat before he shut it off and stood. He toweled his hair dry and tried to calm his stomach before he threw up again. He took a long look in the mirror and didn't even recognize himself. There were heavy, dark circles under his eyes and his hair was a knotted mess. Chanyeol knew eventually he would need to put himself together, but now, he really didn't feel like it.  
  
As he walked back to the room he thought about how whatever he took didn't work. Secretly he thanks the stars and hoped that this was his second chance. When he picked up the bottle Chanyeol scoffed at the low dosage pain reliever he had attempted to end his life with. He set it back down and thought maybe he should pick up the bedroom a bit.  
  
The bed was still covered in pictures and knick-knacks from the box. As he cleaned, he looked at few of them remembering fondly the days that he and Yifan were close. He picked up the ruined picture that Yifan once had on his nightstand and the Helenium that was in a bunch. They were dried out and had a card attached to the bouquet. The letters made out a word and some small characters that resembled Yifan's Japanese.

  
懐かしい - _N a t s u k a s h i i_

 _of some small things that brings you suddenly, joyously back to fond memories, not with a wistful longing for what's past, but with an appreciation of the good times._  
 

  
As Chanyeol turned the card over his heart jumped and tightened.  
 

  
_For the most wonderful persona in the world. Yeolie, you were always my sunset. Golden, red, and glowing. The happiest times of my life._  
 

  
Chanyeol found himself sliding to the floor, knees giving out. He looked around to see that there was still time for visitation at the hospital and quickly decided to get himself somewhat together. He dried his hair as best he could, combing it a bit and putting on some of Yifan's clothes.  
  
The bus is rolling to a stop as Chanyeol ran to the bus stop. It didn't open its doors fast enough for Chanyeol who nearly burst through them. The entire ride Chanyeol felt overly anxious. He didn't know what to expect when he arrived at the hospital.  
  
He quickly picked up a tag at the guest services area for visitation before he quickly walked to the elevator.He fidgeted the entire time swaying back and forth on the balls of his feet. It seemed like it was going to take forever and Chanyeol nearly hit the door trying to push through it.  
  
When he opened Yifan's door for some reason he sighed in relief. Part of him thought that Yifan would disappear. The fear settled into the back of his mind as he walked to the side of the bed and sat down. Chanyeol pulled Yifan's hand into his and lowered his head to meet the stiff sheets. Yifan's hands were still somewhat warm but the room had made his fingertips a bit cool. Chanyeol pressed his forehead against his knuckles and lightly kissed each one.  
  
That's when Chanyeol started to sob. He found himself holding Yifan's hand a bit tighter, a little closer as the room filled with quiet whimpers and little whispers.  
  
"Yifan, I tried to kill myself."  
  
Chanyeol watched as Yifan's reaction was just the rise and fall of his chest with the oxygen machine, the heart monitors a steady beep as he laid still in a coma.  
  
"I was so dumb though. I never looked to see what I was taking. I've always been like that haven't I?"  
  
A little snort filled the room and Chanyeol was sure Yifan would have laughed too. His tears didn't stop though as he thought about how awful it would be if the roles were reversed. If Yifan had tried to kill himself, Chanyeol would be hysterical. Chanyeol pursed his lips and pressed then back against Yifan's knuckles.  
  
"I don't want to be without you, Yifan. I would rather die, and you forget me than live another day without you beside me. I'll come here every day. I'll stay with you every day and hope that you wake up. I'll try everything. I have to. I want to."

 

Chanyeol sat himself up straight hearing the door behind him open. When he turned around he met the smiling face of Dr. Kim. He walked in and sat down on the stool at the foot of Yifan's bed. Chanyeol shifted before another nurse walked in and sat some things on the table.  
  
"Chanyeol, it's very nice to see you here taking care of Yifan. Would you like to do me a favor?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
Chanyeol stood and walked over to the table as Dr. Kim explained the purpose of the stuff on the table; a small washcloth and a small bin of water.  
  
"We need to keep Yifan clean, so would you take this and wipe his face and hands. Make sure you're very careful."  
  
When he walked out the room Chanyeol watched the door close slowly. Dr. Kim was speaking low to someone outside and Chanyeol vaguely heard part of the conversation.  
  
_"Did you do it?"_  
  
_"I did. I think he's doing well."_  
  
Chanyeol rolled the table to the other side of the bed and wiped each of Yifan's fingers, running the cloth along the inside of his hand. He turned Yifan's hand over making sure he wiped it down carefully. He pulled Yifan's other hands across his waist and slowly did the same thing.  
  
Carefully, Chanyeol rinsed the washcloth and folded it back over. Yifan was still breathing with the machines. It was the first time Chanyeol really just gazed at him. He brushed Yifan's hair to the side and started lightly blotting his face. Chanyeol examined all of his features as the cloth left water in each place.  
  
Chanyeol brushed his thumb across Yifan's cheek and imagined what it would be like to lay next to him again. Watching Yifan lay there was agony for Chanyeol. He remembered the faint feeling of Yifan's warm hands and the way he touched him. He remembered the even fainter whisper of the words that left Yifan's lips before Chanyeol fell asleep that night - I love you.  
  
The thoughts in Chanyeol's head made him feel sullen. He sat staring at Yifan's sleeping eyes. He imagined what life would be like without Yifan and his eyes. All the night they shared looking at the stars, and all of the secrets they kept between them. He imagined none of it happening and Chanyeol started to cry.  
  
He blinked away the tears as he thought of his teenage years. There were sleepless night and crying in Yifan's arms. He was miserable as he figured himself out. Yifan never complained about the wet spots on his shirts or the fact that Chanyeol was way too big to be cradled. He just let Chanyeol do what he wanted.  
  
He remembered how awful he was to Yifan when they met again and he got drunk, and how he kissed Yifan toying with his emotions. The world started to feel like it was crushing him.  
  
"I'm sorry for hurting you Yifan. I'll never do it again," Chanyeol ran his thumb across Yifan's eyelashes and they fluttered.  
  
Chanyeol's heart jumped into his throat as the motion made him confused and excited. He knew that Yifan was in a coma but the moment showed that he was starting to become responsive. Chanyeol quickly pushed the button for the nurses and Dr. Kim came rushing in a moment later.

 

"H-His eyelashes...they -" Chanyeol stammered on his words as he ran his hands down Yifan's arms and laced their fingers together.  
  
"What Chanyeol? What did they do?"  
  
Dr. Kim stood to the side and started to check all of Yifan's vitals. He pulled a small flashlight out and started shining it into Yifan's eyes.  
  
"They fluttered. His eyelashes fluttered."  
  
"That's a very good sign, a really good one."  
  
Dr. Kim set a hand on Chanyeol's shoulder and smiled and Chanyeol couldn't hold back the smile that was breaking through. He looked up and for the first time felt so happy. The tears that were flowing weren't from sadness anymore as he turned back to look at Yifan.  
  
"You should go home and rest, Chanyeol. Come back early tomorrow if you can."  
  
Chanyeol was vaguely aware of Dr. Kim leaving and closing the door behind him. The silence in the room no longer felt deafening but comforting. The small motion of Yifan's lashes was still on Chanyeol's mind as he leaned over and kissed Yifan's hand. He tucked Yifan in and kept smiling as the fabric wrapped around him. Chanyeol fluffed the pillow before turning and leaving to go home, but not before tucking Yifan's hair behind his ear and turning down the lights.  
  
  
The ride back was short and Chanyeol tried to keep his mind from going crazy. He went inside Yifan's apartment and set his things down. He pulled some of the leftovers from the fridge and made something to eat while thinking about his time visiting Yifan. Chanyeol was on autopilot as he sat down to eat.  
  
He started to try and remember what the color of Yifan's eyes was and how they shone like gems in the sunlight. He took a deep breath and decided that even though he wanted to, he wasn't going to drink. He needed to stay sober and work hard to figure himself out.  
  
As he got ready for bed, Chanyeol pulled all of the pillows on top of him. They all smelled like Yifan and made him happy. He also smelled like Yifan, using his shampoo and his body wash every day. He held one pillow against his chest and wondered what it would feel like to hold Yifan every night, and that was how he fell asleep.

 

_Day 4_

The chirping from birds outside the window and a peek of morning sun is what woke Chanyeol the next morning. It was the first time in a few days that he actually experienced waking before afternoon. He sat up and decided that maybe he should go somewhere to think. He looked over to the nightstand where he had sat some of the pictures and decided to go to the same beach he and Yifan went to years ago.

 

Chanyeol grabbed a bag and put some things in it before putting his shoes and coat out. The ride there wasn’t too eventful but it was peaceful and calmed what nerves he did have.

 

The beach looked almost exactly the same as it did when he was younger. Waves crashing against sand and shells, and the murmur of people walking along the shore gave Chanyeol a sense of happiness. This was familiar even if the memory was somewhat laced with hurt.

 

There was a piece of driftwood near and Chanyeol sat down on it playing his bag beside him. Before he had left, he grabbed the letter Yifan wrote to him. He read it again putting his elbows on his knees and enjoying the salty breeze. This time, Chanyeol didn’t cry. He looked out toward the horizon and remember everything fondly. He remembered the way Yifan’s hand felt in his own and how Yifan’s arms had made him feel safe.

 

The warm breeze kissed Chanyeol’s skin and he remembered the way Yifan played with his curls and smiled down at him. He reached out and touched his hair wondering how long it would take for it to start waving if he didn’t straighten it. Maybe, if Yifan woke up, he could run his hands through thick locks and smile again.

 

With that Chanyeol decided it was time to go. Visitation was still open and if he was lucky he could beat the traffic and make it before it closed. He stood putting the letter back in his bag and giving the shore one last long look. If Yifan woke up, Chanyeol wanted to come back and do things right.

  
 

The ride back to the city and the hospital wasn’t long and as they pulled to the stop, Chanyeol felt his nerves again. He blew out one harsh breath before he walked in to get his tag and take the elevator to Yifan’s room again.

 

It was only natural that as Chanyeol sat down, he took Yifan’s hand in his own. He always wanted that hand in his. He pulled his other hand up and put it atop Yifan’s knuckles tapping lightly across them. Chanyeol sat just idly rubbing lazy circles into Yifan’s palm before he took a deep breath.

 

“Yifan. I went to the beach today and read your letter again. I’ve been trying to take care of you when I wasn’t selfishly drinking myself to death.” Chanyeol looked up and bit down on his lip. This was hard enough, looking at Yifan’s still body and knowing that he may not hear everything, was harder.

 

“I have to tell you something: I love you, too. I always thought we were just best friend that did everything together. I thought it was normal to always want to be your friend. But then I started to imagine my life without you and - you know what? - I didn’t want that at all. I don’t want you to wake up and not remember me. I don’t want you to forget while I have to suffer and remember everything. You know that right? I would be holding onto our memories. I’d always remember, while you forget. I’ll never be able to forgive myself for all of this, but Yifan... Please, wake up. I love you.”

 

Chanyeol started to cry as he pushed his lips onto Yifan’s knuckles, kissing each one lightly. He took a few short breaths trying to calm down but his tears flowed heavily from his eyes. Finally, admitting that he too was in love felt terrifying, but freeing. Chanyeol swallowed hard and let every ounce of emotion take over, especially his love for Yifan.

 

As he stood, Chanyeol tried to balance his nervous legs. This was different than all the other drunken times he had given Yifan a kiss. This was a promise and a hopeful plea to Yifan to wake up and be loved. He pushed his lips against Yifan’s and left little trails of water across his cheeks. He wiped it away before leaving another kiss on Yifan’s forehead and then his nose. He smiled leaving just one more to his lips in hopes that maybe, his love would be felt somewhere deep down.

 

Chanyeol sat back down and just watched Yifan for a while. He never let go of his hands even when the nurse came to check on him, and even Dr. Kim. After that, no one else came and he dimmed the lights. Before long, exhaustion took over and Chanyeol passed out with his head at Yifan’s side.

 

_Day 5_

The next morning Chanyeol is woken by the sensation of fingers in his hair. He smiled softly thinking he’s waking from a dream to quickly remember where he is. He feels a warm hand on his face and the pads of a thumb wiping away a stray tear. The ones from the night before are dried against his face from crying in his sleep. Chanyeol’s hand flew up grabbing the one near his face.

 

“Yifan!”

 

Chanyeol jumped up and saw that Yifan was conscious. He was smiling fondly and Chanyeol started to tear up. Finally, Yifan was awake and he could tell him everything. He would tell him over and over until he believed every word, especially the part where he said ‘I love you’. But Yifan just kept smiling.

 

“Hey, Yeolie.”

 

“Yifan, I -” Chanyeol tried to choke back a sob before he broke down and started crying.

 

Yifan just started wiping away the tears slowly as Chanyeol kissed his palm, “I know, Yeolie. I know.”

 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Yifan.”

 

“Chanyeol,” Dr. Kim started, “Yifan still needs a bit of rest. I’ve given him medication to flush his system of the Hanahaki but he won’t be released until tomorrow. Feel free to stay here and take care of him.”

 

Dr. Kim smiled and set a reassuring hand on Chanyeol’s shoulder, and he can’t help but keep smiling. Yifan had woke up and things were starting to look good. He walked out and Chanyeol let Yifan pull him into the bed tucking him under his arm and pushing his head to lay on Yifan’s chest.

 

“Chanyeol, I heard everything.”

 

There was a distinct sound filling the room and Chanyeol looked up to see Yifan crying. It was awful because Chanyeol knew exactly what he was talking about even without saying it. He heard everything, which meant he not only heard Chanyeol’s confession, but he also heard Chanyeol admitting to attempting to kill himself.

 

“You really mean _everything_ , don’t you?”

 

“Why? Chanyeol why?”

 

Chanyeol felt Yifan’s embrace tighten and his fingers spread in his hair. He started scratching lightly and nuzzling into the curly locks that had started to form.

 

“I didn’t want to be without you.”

 

Chanyeol let Yifan turn him over just a bit to face him. They were nose to nose and Chanyeol watched as Yifan’s eyes were full of disappointment. Chanyeol was crying just as hard as Yifan, letting his sobs filled the room.

 

“Chanyeol, I love you.”

 

Chanyeol tried to smile and it came out lopsided and they laughed a bit before it actually became bigger, “Yifan, I love you so much more. Can I have a second chance?”

 

“I’ll give you as many chances as it takes for us to get this right as long as we do it together.”

 

They sat and stared at each other for a few moments before Chanyeol felt Yifan’s nudge him. He knew what Yifan wanted and was more than willing to give it to him. This time, their love was found in the kiss.

 

Chanyeol smiled and for the first time in a while, he was happy. Yifan loved him, but now, he knew it was okay to love Yifan in return. Yifan was his best friend, but more than that, Yifan was his other half. Somehow Chanyeol had always known, Yifan was his soulmate. Not just a platonic partner in crime type of person, but someone Chanyeol knew he could spend the rest of his life with. He kissed Yifan again and let the thought sink in.

 

The day passed with comfortable silence and long gazes. Yifan played with Chanyeol’s hair all day. Chanyeol laced their fingers and kissed Yifan’s knuckles every chance he could get. With Dr. Kim’s permission, Chanyeol slept on the sofa so that in the morning, he could go home with Yifan.

 

_Day 6_

In the morning Chanyeol woke in a panic. He blinked, glancing over at the hospital bed to see it completely empty, sheets straightened flat. He quickly threw the blankets off of him and called for Yifan only to find him buttoning his shirt in the mirror of the bathroom.

 

“Yeolie, I’m right here.”

 

“You scared me. I thought you were gone.”

 

Yifan smiled and Chanyeol deflated into his shoulder nuzzling into him. Yifan placed a kissed on his temple before chuckling and hugging Chanyeol tighter.

 

“I’ll always be right here, from now on.”

 

They gathered all of their things as Dr. Kim signed all of Yifan’s discharge papers. Yifan thanked him for taking good care of him. Dr. Kim motioned toward Chanyeol and said that he did most of the work. Chanyeol turned bright red and Yifan held him just a bit closer.

 

At the entrance, Chanyeol was surprised to see Yifan’s mom waiting for them with a car. She smiled as big as she could and embraced both of them. Which, to Chanyeol, was a great feat considering how large they both were.

 

“I’m so happy for you. You found what I’ve seen all along.”

 

Chanyeol was sure she was right. It had been there all along. He was filled with regret that it took him so long to realize how much Yifan enriched his life and how much he loved him. Yifan had been brave enough to love him and Chanyeol felt like a coward to turn him away. They had their ups and downs, but now, none of that mattered.

  
 

The moment they walked into Yifan’s apartment, Chanyeol cringed. He had left it an utter mess. Yifan sighed and Chanyeol felt like he was going to be scolded, instead, he turned around and smiled placing both hands on Chanyeol’s face.

 

“I’m sorry, Yifan. I -”

 

“It’s fine. We can clean it up. Together.”

 

Chanyeol melted when Yifan’s pressed their lips together. He stumbled into the door draping both arms over Yifan’s shoulders. They were flush against the door and Chanyeol enjoyed the way Yifan held him so, so close. The hands that were on his face started to wander until they met his hips. Chanyeol shivered when he felt Yifan’s rough fingertips across his skin. He sighed and Chanyeol tried not to let the little moan make him shiver.

 

The kiss became a bit heated but Chanyeol wanted it so bad. He never let Yifan have what he wanted and now, he wanted it too. He tipped his head back just enough to let Yifan know he wanted more. Yifan’s lips made a small trail from the side of his mouth to his neck and Chanyeol tugged on the little hairs at the base of Yifan’s neck. He groaned before biting down on Chanyeol’s shoulder. That made Chanyeol yelp.

 

“Sorry.”

 

“You didn’t hurt me. It just surprised me is all. I uh -”

 

“Oh… _Oh_!”

 

All of Chanyeol’s face and the tips of his ears were bright red with embarrassment as Yifan pulled away. Chanyeol took the chance to turn toward the door and bury his face in shame. He was surprised when he felt Yifan’s arms tangle around him then a kiss to the base of his neck.

 

“It’s okay. You don’t have to hide, not anymore.”

 

Yifan turned Chanyeol around and pulled him in for another kiss. This time much sweeter and Chanyeol smiled at the end of it. It was simply freeing to let go of the invisible barriers that Chanyeol once held so tight.

  
 

They cleaned the entire apartment how Yifan wanted; together. Chanyeol busied himself picking up trash and doing the laundry. He did, after all, wear the majority of the clothes scattered across the floor. Yifan washed the dirty dishes and when Chanyeol finished the trash he bumped Yifan’s hip to help dry them.

 

After they finished, Chanyeol contemplated just how he could ask Yifan on a date. He thought about where he would like to take him, but Yifan beat him to the punch. He pulled Chanyeol down on the couch and kissed his head before lacing their fingers.

 

“Do you want to go have dinner? Like a date?”

 

“I wanted to ask that,” Chanyeol voice came out more like a whine and it just made Yifan laugh. He held Chanyeol that much closer and it made Chanyeol’s heart swell.

 

“Too bad. I have the perfect place in mind.”

 

“Anywhere is perfect as long as it’s with you.”

 

Chanyeol was kissed deeper than he’d ever been, even in the past. No one kissed him quite like Yifan did. He let it carry him away from a bit before Yifan insisted that he get ready for dinner. It wasn’t long before the drive was honking and Chanyeol was scrambling to tie his shoes and get out the door.

  
 

The time passed by so slow in the cafe Yifan had chosen. They were eating sandwiches and drinking coffee but it was the company that kept Chanyeol’s mood elated. It was a definite change to the liquor and home cooking but a nice one that Chanyeol enjoyed a bit too much. Yifan caught him staring several times as he tangled their feet under the table.

 

They talked about anything and everything, and nothing at all. The silence was secretly Chanyeol’s favorite part. He could admire Yifan’s features as he smiled into the mug of coffee he was drinking. Chanyeol would return the smile before dropping his gaze and blushing.

 

“You promise you’re okay now?”

 

“Yes, Chanyeol. I promise I’m fine. I have an idea.”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Let’s go to the beach tomorrow.”

 

Chanyeol smiled large and full of teeth and noticed that Yifan’s cheeks were red. He stood and Chanyeol followed as they threw away their trash and headed home. The evening looked just as beautiful in Yifan’s eyes as it did in the sky. Chanyeol gazed at it until he met Yifan’s lips again. He lost count of how many times he kissed Yifan.

 

When they got home Chanyeol immediately changed into pajamas while Yifan showered. Once he was through, he too curled into bed. Chanyeol laid on his chest much like they had when they were younger, this time he listened as Yifan’s heart beat for him. He felt the prod of fingers and Yifan’s hand scratching small circles on his scalp. Chanyeol’s hair was nearly all the way curly.

 

“I love your hair like this, you know. You look kind of like a puppy.”

 

“Woof!”

 

Chanyeol jumped playfully on top of Yifan before leaning over and giving his cheek a lick. They laughed before Chanyeol kissed Yifan’s forehead.

 

“Promise me you’ll be here when I wake up, Chanyeol.”

 

Chanyeol felt Yifan’s desperation in the kiss that followed. He slid down and pressed his ear against Yifan’s chest again. This time he smiled and held Yifan just a little tighter.

 

“I promise. I’ll be here every morning.”

 

Yifan turned and it put Chanyeol on his side facing Yifan. They kissed for a while sweet and chaste. Chanyeol tried not to smile with each one but sometimes Yifan knocked their teeth together. Their limbs tangled and Chanyeol nuzzled into Yifan’s chest. He fell asleep to the sound of Yifan’s heartbeat with his own and he thought to himself he would like to do that for the rest of his life.

 

_Day 7_

In the morning, Chanyeol could feel the warmth radiating from Yifan. He smiled but didn't open his eyes, not yet. Chanyeol could also feel Yifan moving, turning toward him and pulling him closer. He listened to the slow, steady rhythm of Yifan's heart before he was kissed on the cheek. Yifan brushed his lashes and pushed the hair off of his forehead. Chanyeol could tell his hair was in tangles.  
  
"I love you."  
  
It was barely above a whisper but Chanyeol heard it loud and clear. He smiled before opening his eyes and beaming at the blush on Yifan's cheeks.  
  
"I love you too."  
  
"Do you still want to go to the beach?" Yifan wrapped his arms tighter around Chanyeol and all he could do was smile dumbly. Chanyeol loved every moment in bed with Yifan.  
  
"Of course I do, but I need to go somewhere first."  
  
Chanyeol had thought long and hard about what he was going to do. They weren't getting any younger, and he wasn't going to risk losing Yifan. Not again. He was going to be brave as Yifan had once in their past.  
  
"Do you want me to do with you?"  
  
"Oh, no. I won't be long. I'll ride the bus to come meet you."  
  
Chanyeol jumped from the bed, but not before giving Yifan a kiss. He showered as fast as he could while Yifan had a cup of coffee. Before he left, he kissed Yifan again. He couldn't wait to keep kissing him.  
  
"Be careful!"  
  
Yifan called out before the door closed behind him but Chanyeol was already halfway gone. He was more than excited. This was his moment. He rode the bus down to his office building and nearly tripped when he ran to the door.  
  
Riding the elevator to his office was taking too long as Chanyeol bounced on his feet. He walked fast to the door and unlocked it quickly hitting the switch for the light. He knew exactly where the little box was and knew it was perfect. Everything was. There wasn't going to be a more perfect moment.  
  
He put the small box in his jacket pocket before pulling a small piece of cardstock to write on. He opened his phone to the many text messages saved and jotted down the words he knew were also perfect for this moment; all of these moments. He quickly pocketed that too before making his way back to the bus stop.  
 

  
"You took too long."  
  
"You're impatient."  
  
Chanyeol kissed Yifan and then let the salty breeze kiss his skin. The sun was warm and Chanyeol watched it play on the waves. He pat his pocket and hugged Yifan's side as they stood on the shore.  
  
"What did you go get?"  
  
"You can wait a little longer."  
  
Chanyeol felt Yifan's hand squeeze his hip. When he looked up he saw so many emotions in Yifan's eyes. Before he spoke, Chanyeol laid his head on Yifan's shoulder as they sat on a piece of driftwood.  
  
"Chanyeol. Thank you for always staying by my side, even through all of this. I know that I get angry easily and it's hard for me to open up, but you're my best friend. There is no one else in the world I'd rather be with. I love you."  
  
Chanyeol couldn't help but smile before looking up at Yifan, "I love you too. I'm sorry I never realized everything until you were so hurt and broken. We both were. I'm sorry for everything I did to hurt you. I plan to make it up to you. I will always try my best never to hurt you again."  
  
Chanyeol figured it was now or never and pulled the small box from his pocket and got down on one knee in the sand. Chanyeol watched Yifan's eyes get big as he opened it and smiled.  
  
"What are you - "  
  
"I'm dumb and I'm clumsy. I say too much at the wrong time, but despite that, you love me anyway. Wu Yifan, will you marry me?"  
  
Inside the box were two thing black rings; exactly the same and long since stuffed away in Chanyeol's desk. The shone in the sunlight as Yifan began to sniffle and cry.  
  
"How long have you had these?"  
  
"Since that day at the beach," Chanyeol picked up Yifan's hand and slid one ring on before placing the other on his own finger, "It wasn't for this reason. It was something I wanted to share with my best friend. Now, I want to share it with my lover, if you'll have me."  
  
"Yes! Yes. Always. Yes."  
  
Yifan smiled into the kiss and hugged Chanyeol tight nearly falling into the sand. Chanyeol laughed so much he started to cry. They were both crying and holding each other as the sun started to set.  
  
Chanyeol noticed a familiar box as Yifan placed it in his lap. He pulled the contents out and looked it over smiling. He picked up the small bouquet of Helenium and twisted it in his fingers. The fragile petals started to blow away with the wind.  
  
"Are you sure you want to do that?" Chanyeol picked up the other flowers and did the same.

  
"Yeah. This is our new beginning. This is how we start over. We move on from the past and look toward the future; together."  
  
They crumbled the flowers in their palms and Chanyeol leaned over to peck Yifan on the cheek, "Make a wish."  
  
"I wish to be with you happily for the rest of our lives," Yifan opened his palm and the crimson dust flew away with the wind.  
  
"I wish to always be the sun in your sky. I wish to be the stars in your galaxy. I want to be your to the moon and back."  
  
Chanyeol let go of the Helenium in his palm and watched it swirl into the evening air. He felt Yifan's hand in his own as they stood toes deep into the sand. It was their new beginning. One that would start where it should have all those years ago. Chanyeol pulled the card from his pocket and handed it to Yifan smiling.  
  
"What's this?"  
  
"Read it. It's part of our new beginning."  
  
Yifan turned the card over before smiling then Chanyeol felt his hand squeezed tighter. The phrase had gotten them through their roughest years. It was a phrase they heard often enough that it meant something more than just words. It was a phrase that helped Chanyeol learn to let go, and Yifan to hold on. It would stay with them for years to come into a future that might be uncertain but the time would be spent like it was now; together.  
 

  
时间煮雨 – “Shíjiān zhǔyǔ - Time Boils the Rain”

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

>   
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